four things: "things I'm afraid to tell you."

Psst... it's not Friday, but I'm posting "Four Things" here, today, Monday.  Get over it.  ;)

I'm a little late here, as I think most other bloggers did their linky parties for this on Friday, but I really like this concept (and sort of already did my own last week anyway, here), so I'm going for it.

It seems that all it took was one tweet from Erin of Design for Mankind followed by Nichole Robertson of Little Brown Pen, and a ton of other bloggers raised their virtual hands to say, "yes, I too am flummoxed about the vast cavern between true reality and the presentation of 'reality' on blogs." {source: Ez from Creature Comforts}

{source}

An excerpt from a co-host of this movement, Creature Comforts:

"I like to think of myself as being transparent and genuine on my blog, but regardless, over the years I've struggled with how much of the behind the scenes nitty-gritty side of life I should share. I have walked outside of my comfort zone a few time, but the majority of the time I have always erred on the side of posting beauty and inspiration, instead of delving into the struggles or challenges I've faced for fear that negativity could quickly consume this space (not from you guys…but from me). I do have a huge propensity to get sucked down into pits of depression and because of this have made a conscious choice to focus on light-hearted subjects and beauty as a daily reminder to myself to always seek that side of life."

This TOTALLY resonates with me.  Seriously.  I recommend reading the rest of Ez's post here, as well as the original inspiration post by Jess Constable.

Before I continue, a disclaimer: in all my other posts that have come before and will follow this one, I don't consider myself to have been dishonest or otherwise misleading about myself, my interests, etcetera.  I think what Ez and most of the participating bloggers very adequately captured is that {the collective "we"} are making a conscious choice to highlight the most positive components of ourselves and our interests in order to encourage joy as opposed to melancholy.

I also recently re-read Elsie's Five Tips for Bloggers and she highlights this concept, noting that a blogger's urge to write negative posts with any regularity will incur reader avoidance.

I heard an interview with Jason Mraz on KPCC (Southern California NPR) yesterday, and he described his songwriting, as well as his over-arcing life choices, as deliberately positive.  His happiness is an active choice; "it's from being melancholy and having my human down experiences that I learn, that I overcome, that I transform." {source}

I think that's something that many social bloggers can absolutely relate to.

That said, we're all still human and we need to express ourselves.  I think it makes a lot of sense that we have urges to vent to our blogs, since it generally serves as a creative outlet and often involves our thoughts and emotions on a variety of subjects.

For bloggers, it seems that it's all about striking a delicate balance between lovely posts that our audiences want to read, and full disclosure of who we really are.

There are some very specific things I'm afraid to tell you, things that are a little (sometimes a lot) negative, but that are also part of who I am and thus sometimes seep their way into my blogger consciousness.  

Ready?  Here goes.

1.  I am overweight weigh more than I've ever weighed before.  See the cross-out?  Even seeing the words "I am overweight" typed out sort of horrifies me.  And I'm not even that overweight, or morbidly obese or anything like that, but in the last couple of years since moving to Los Angeles, I've gained about 25-30 lbs.  I now wear large and XL instead of the medium sizes I was used to and can even get away with shopping in plus sizes sometimes (though not always, and this comforts me).  I even own a dress from the Liz Lange maternity line at Target (it's REALLY cute and I swear you'd never know it's maternity!).  It is a back-and-forth daily struggle for me to decide whether I accept the way I look now, or whether I want to do something to change it. 

2.  I care a lot about what other people think, sometimes WAY too much.  And I tend to care more about the people with whom I am less familiar or are less important to me (versus my close friends and family, with whom I'm comfortable and know love me regardless).  See this post for more details on my emphasis for other people's approval.

3.  I don't want children.  I actually LOVE kids; I am just smitten with my two-year-old cousin Rowan and my three-year-old cousins MacKenzie and Sophia and I make time to see them as much as possible.  My mom and Rowan's mom (my cousin Kristen) tell me that they didn't want kids at my age either, so I still might change my mind as I get into my thirties, but I'm not convinced.  I'm already 28 and lots of other women my age have already decided to (or actually already have) children.  I'm just not sure I'll ever want kids of my own.  We'll see.

4.  I am AWFUL with money.  I don't balance my checkbook and I have a couple of maxed-out credit cards; I make payments on those cards, but then I just buy more stuff with them.  I have what I would describe as a minor addiction to shopping, and not just for clothes and shoes (though, yes, that too): home decor, books, pretty much everything at Target, even groceries.  I also love to eat out at restaurants (sit-down, to go, whatever -- I don't discriminate) and I have to go to Starbucks every morning before work, or I feel grouchy, even though I cringe when I consider that I spend $4.00 on a freakin' cup of coffee five times a week.  That adds up to a LOT.

So there it is.  Congrats on getting through all that text with me, if you've read through to this point!  I tend to talk (write) a lot, so thanks for bearing with me on this one.

Anyone else out there participate in the "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You" day on Friday?  If you're a blogger and you're considering this brutal honesty thing (or at least making lists) it's kind of liberating.  I recommend it.  ;)

xo,

Emily